So, yesterday was probably one of the best days of my life.  Why, might you ask?  I'll tell you why . . . one of my favorite bands came to Columbia, and I got to see them with some of my best college friends.  Let me tell you how the evening went down:

A few weeks ago, I noticed that Reel Big Fish would be coming to the Blue Note here in Columbia.  I vowed right then and there that I would go to see them, and that Mike would go with me.  Well, Mike's former roomie (and one of the coolest people in the world) Johnny is a fan too, so he decided to go as well.  Then, I got one of my firefighter buddies to come too.

So, last night, Mike and I met Kyle and Johnny (and Johnny's friend) up at the Blue Note.  The first band that came up was called Whole Wheat Bread.  Now, I've never seen a trio of black men rocking out to punk before, but these guys were . . . and they were alright.  They really had good energy.  When they started to clear the stage, I told the boys that I wanted to go and start weaseling my way towards the front of the stage.  The guys came along, and we watched Streetlight Manifesto set up.

Now, I had never heard of this band before last night, but Mike and I were both very impressed.  They are a ska band (horn line and such), but it seems like they had more rock roots than punk (like RBF).  Once they started playing, I was really glad that we had gotten up closer to the stage.  They really put on a great show!  Even Mike was impressed, and he's not as into ska as I am . . . he ended up buying their cd.  We were about 3 or 4 rows back from the stage, but I still had a good view.  Since he was right in front of me, I watched the trombonist a lot and thought that I had made eye contact a couple times.  Cool.  A good handful of people there knew some of their songs, and a good handful of people decided to start a small mosh pit.  Well, I had Mike right beside me and Johnny and Kyle right behind me.  I was totally safe.  (Thanks boys!!!  Especially Kyle . . . he got injured in the line of duty.)

Then, RBF started to set up!  I called Katie (on a whim) to say that RBF was in Columbia, and found out that she was coming to the show too!!  This night was getting better and better.  So, Mike and I managed to find a very small spot one row back from the stage to stand.  The guys that we scooched in front of were really nice though.  RBF was about to come on, and I get a call from Katie . . . she was there!  And just at the end of the row!  So, RBF started and I can say I was there with some of my best friends.

The moshing got out of control during their set, however.  It really was just nuts.  Oh, and there was this fat chick who was 2 people to the right of me that had decided that she could use as much space as she wanted to dance and thrash about . . . 2 ROWS FROM THE STAGE.  Do you realize how crowded it was already?  About halfway through the show, the little girl standing between the two of us has enough and the two of them get in a fist fight.  It was crazy!  Both of them ended up leaving . . .the little chick had a gash on her eye (had I seen it, I would have helped . . . Mike and Katie saw it, but I didn't) and the big girl got thrown out.  After that, things were fantastic!

RBF puts on such a great show!  They were amazing and I would definately drive across the state to go see them again.  In the middle of their set, they started playing Enter Sandman.  Just randomly.  The hornline guys were getting a drink of water and having a couple seconds of rest on their lips when the lead (and guitarist) starts playing the intro to Enter Sandman.  Well, the drummer took the cue and started playing the drum part.  It was just fun as hell.  At the end of the show they were tossing their picks and drum sticks into the audience....I almost caught a stick.

After that, MXPX started to set up, but we all decided that it was time to wander back by the bar where we weren't going to be cheek to cheek with other people.  Kyle called it a night due to a possibly broken toe.  (I'm going to check on him tonight.)  Mike ended up getting RBF tees for the two of us and a Streetlight Manifesto cd.  I took one of the promotional posters of the show off the wall . . . after asking the bartender if it was ok first  . . . and we watched MXPX for a little while.  Katie was pretty into them and had decided that the bassist was a beautiful man, when he decided to walk off stage with his bass and walk to the back (where we were) by the sound booth (again, right where we were).  While he's back there, Katie goes over and kisses him on the cheek!  He just smiled, kept playing, and then went back up to the stage.  How cool is that?!?

After a couple more songs, we decided to leave.  But, as we were walking out, I noticed the trombonist from Streetlight Manifesto out front.  I stopped, shook his hand, and told them that they had put on a great show.  We talked for a moment, and I asked if he might sign Katie's and my poster.  He said he would, and then took us out back to their winnebago to get the other guys to sign, and finally out behind the winnebago to get the last two.  We (Katie, Mike and I) stood back there talking for a while.  The guys pointed out my shirt (bright blue, says "Polish Girls Do It Better" in white) and said a couple things.  I always get compliments on that shirt!  I love it.

Anyway, apparently I did make eye contact with the trombone player a couple times because he noted that he noticed my shirt during the show because I was right in his line of vision.    Yay for being noticed.

We all said goodbye and started walking towards the parking garage where Mike had parked when we see a couple of the girlfriends of the guys from RBF walking down the street towards a bus.  I figured, hey, what's the harm in asking if they could get the guys to sign my poster?  So, Katie and I just barely missed them going into the bus, but the driver (I believe) got out and asked us if he could do something.  I explained that I'm a huge fan and was wondering if I could get a couple autographs.  He obliged and got the 3 guys who were on the bus to sign my poster.  While we were waiting, Mike pointed to the guy sitting on the corner and asked if I realized who that was.  Of course I did . . . it was Scott, the trumpet player.  He was on the phone, so I didn't want to bother him, but he was right there! 

Then the 3 of us hit up Trops and got alocholic slushies.  "It's like Quiktrip for adults!!!"  All in all, it was a great night . . .

Repeat performance, anyone???

So, here I sit at work . . . with about 1/2 an hour of sleep under my belt, and a brain that is swimming in doubts, worries, and general confusion.

Why, you may ask?

I've reached the point in my relationship with Mike that we're in a bit of a lull.  He and I know each other well enough that words aren't even needed, so there's not a whole lot of talking.  Communicating, yes, but not the joyful, "let me get to know you" chatter that there once was.  I still love him dearly, but it's just that I can't help but to be incredibly flattered (and even a little curious) when someone else shows interest in me. 

This is my dilemma:  I have a great, steady, reliable relationship with Mike . . . but there is someone who has shown particular interest in me who makes my heart beat just a little faster.  Who makes me evaluate my relationship and ask myself why I am with Mike.  This automatically makes me worry if maybe we've stumbled to the area where there isn't any real spark there, just very comfortable, familiar territory.  Let me try to mull this out a little.

What do I have with Mike?
He loves me
His family loves me
I couldn't bear the thought of breaking his heart, or not having him there with me
He has been there for me through some really horrible times
We have plans for a future together
He makes me a better person
We communicate very well and have never even had a fight
He wants to do anything in his power to make me happy

I think I just solved my own dilemma.  While butterflies are wonderful, and the "prospect" is amazing and has some dream worthy qualities, I can't walk away from what I have.  No matter what I do here, someone in this equation is not going to be happy.

In short, I would just like to say that I'm a very strong believer in fate.  This has all helped me realize just what I have with Mike, and also how comfortable I had become. 

To my friend:  I wish for you that this situation were different.  I wish I had a heart to give away, because you would certainly be the candidate.  It tears me up to say it, but we just aren't meant to be right now . . . but who knows what fate has in store.

*sigh*  I hate making decisions like this.

I hate how life can be going along so well, and then suddenly you get blindsided with information, emotions, or any kind of general thing that your little brain just can't handle at the moment.

So, I'm sitting here at work, minding my business.  I checked my email, and found that I had a lengthy piece of mail from a former flame who left me, well, burnt.  "When a recipe isn't just a recipe,"  the subject line said.  Why now?  Why does this explanation have to come now, more than 6 months after the fact?  There's part of me that wants the whole mess to just disappear and be the fuck over with.  But, my curiosity got the better of me, and so I read what he had to say.

Now, I'm sitting here with 3 1/2 hours left at work that I'm going to have to spend refraining from reading that email again.  And to simply keep from crying.

He got one thing right, however.  The songs that he mentioned that reminded him of us fit pretty well.

"Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life"

I try to believe that all people are good until proven otherwise.  With that said, I want to believe that he's still salvageable as a friend . . . but I have my doubts.  We were great friends before that whole attraction thing got the best of us.  We were great before I became the "un-girlfriend" (not "ex" because we were as together as we ever would be . . . but "un" because I was not his girlfriend).  We were great before I became the dirty little secret.  But I don't know if we could be great again.

I'm sorry, I do foster some bitterness.  I still have some wounds that have yet to heal.  And it takes all the good in me to not say or think hateful things when it comes to you, but I'm trying.

*sigh*

Everything was sooo under control in my world about an hour ago . . . and now, someone has shaken up my snowglobe again.  Shit.

Things I love (right now, at least):

• playing in thunderstorms (at 2am)
• having a balanced checkbook
• having a balanced checkbook with money in it EVEN AFTER making a car payment  :)
• Wednesday nights at the station
• Discovery Health Channel  (I'm almost as addicted to this as Food Network)
• not having to work until 3pm  on most weekdays
• talking about our future with Mike
• wearing big, baggy scrubs
• my firetruck
• popsicles
• disposable cameras
• making birthday plans
• the genuine way that Mike says "I love you" when he has inadvertently hurt my feelings
• talking with my momma

I just felt like making a list this morning.  Yes, it is a copout from actually putting forth the effort to make a real post, but y'all are going to have to just deal with it.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to do some running and sunning.  Later!!!